Where’s home?

Winter in Holland Dec 2010

Home is where the heart is. So they say. Well I always strongly believed that New Zealand was home; my parents moved here when I was 5. You might say that’s because I’ve never know any different and that might be true but I never really associated with Holland, though I was always very proud to tell people I was Dutch and that I could speak it. Though I never liked speaking Dutch; so at home generally mum and dad spoke Dutch or English to us kids and we spoke English back.
I’m not sure what’s changed with this last trip to Holland but I seem to be missing Holland an awful lot and felt really at home there. Maybe it’s because I now have a child and so want to hold onto my heritage? Or with my oma passing away it means that there is now no reason to go to Holland so maybe that’s why I’m holding on so strongly?  When I lived in Europa I used to go to Holland once or twice a year and the last time I went back was 6 years ago and until our trip last month I didn’t really feel any strong ties.
Honeymoon in NZ March 2009
I can’t put my finger on it but I miss Holland so much, I’ve been back in NZ for two weeks now. Rationally I know that NZ is the better country for us. We couldn’t have the life we have here in Holland (which is why my parent’s moved to NZ in the first place), but I still feel the pull of the Dutch life. I moved to Holland for 9 months when I was 18 so I have some idea of what it’s like to live there as an adult but I was glad to be “home” after that stint.
I think it comes down to the fact that I’m more “Dutch” than I realised. Going back there I really saw myself in a lot of people we met and also in the way they live their lives right down to the way they dress and furnish their houses. I always thought it was just because I like what my parent’s did and so I guess I incorporated that into my own life/ home but now I realise I’m just Dutch thru and thru.
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