A word with so many connotations and everyone has their own view on what depression is and means for them or people that they love. The word is thrown around in the schoolyard and within every aspect of our lives. People say oh I’m so depressed; trust me you cannot be depressed for a day or even a week they are only currently living in a depressed state or a situation is depressing. When you have full blown depression it affects every aspect of your life. For some they get mild doses of depression and may find that they are impeded in small sections of their life for others the beast rears its head and there is no seeing beyond it.
Several years ago I had so much on my plate that I really couldn’t cope – silly me I thought I was coping and doing well thank you very much. Month after month I pushed myself till my body and mind screamed “no more!” Of course like most things in life I was the last to know I was actually sick! My close friends saw it coming months before I did they saw me sinking deeper and deeper and trying to feebly shovel my way out of quicksand.
There really wasn’t an ahha moment as there rarely is with the self and the mind – my doctor picked it up as I was just so tired; I was emotionally and physically drained. My body knew best and of course like most people I don’t actually listen to what my body is telling me though it obviously knows us better than we think! I was plagued with constant migraines for weeks; so severe that I had to go on some serious medications to try to break the migraine cycle. It wasn’t till after a few months of getting rid of these migraines that we realised the migraines were of course a symptom not the cause. Oh trust me those migraines were real and very painful I know depression is in the brain but these migraines were no figment of my imagination!
So for months I struggled to get the depression under control this sickness seriously affected every aspect of my life from that day right up until now. I was able to go to work and come home but I couldn’t even go to the supermarket let alone a café or bar. I was very fearful of the outside world and struggled to even do the dishes. Depression is a very serious mental illness and I am glad I had a great doctor and amazing loving husband and understanding friends who were able to get me well enough to continue on. I was willing to try anything to get better, I tried several different medications till we found the combo that worked for me (there is no shame in taking antidepressants these drugs helped me get through the day – they don’t make you happy or sad but they allow you to just breath), I went to weekly counselling sessions, practiced yoga and also had weekly massages. All these things combined allowed me to slowly get better.
I look back and yes it was a dark time for me and until very recently I was still not the person I was before I got sick. Slowly I can now go to bars, talk to total strangers and go out and about without being afraid. Even the pile of dishes on the bench don’t scare me anymore. There were some positives that came out of my sickness Mr Ecochick and I are now closer than ever. Before I was sick I was a very strong and independent woman which can be difficult for a man to deal with. After my sickness I needed a lot of support and help this allowed my wonderful husband to look after me and meant we become much more of a unit. So yes it was a terrible time and I am thankful that after 3 years it now appears to be behind me. Some days are easier than others but life truly is tremendous.